A Considerate Period
Joi: Have you heard of the iPeriod app? I don't have it as I like surprises.
Nick Ellis: Heard of it. Have you ever had to leave a party wrapped in a towel? Some ad said every girl does once.
Joi: Nop. Here's something. I somehow don't drip. I'd wake up, go to the toilet, pee, hello blood, must be menstruating. So its always in the mornings first pee when it arrives, very considerate menstruation don't you think?
Nick Ellis: Very, must be hard if you accidentally pee blood at the same time.
Joi: Neh this is like a good amount, you know, not like weak syrup in a spider.
Nick Ellis: Oh fuck I love spiders but they make me fart.
Joi: Its like a tablespoon of blood just waiting for me to dispose of it in the most convenient way. And when I have deadlines, stressed, it just skips a month as if to say ok dear you have enough on your plate. The most considerate menstrual cycle. I should buy it a gift. Any ideas?
Nick Ellis: Buy it a vase? I've never bought anyone a vase. Don't know why you would.
Joi: Yeah I've never bought anyone a vase either. Will never. Why a vase?
Nick Ellis: Don't know why a vase - probably because it's something I've never bought. Maybe a hat instead?
Joi: Have you bought someone a hat?
Find Nick Ellis' artwork, blog, photos here
Nick Ellis: Yes. Lots.
Nick Ellis: I only give hats to people I care about! Hats can be amazing. It depends on the hat.
Joi: Jayne just txtd me, have you realised she calls us 'mental'. I agree about hats, I'm a huge fan of hats but not for my period though.
Nick Ellis: Maybe get a tattoo of your menstrual cycle to show your appreciation. But not a red blotch, people will mistake it for a birthmark.
Joi: Neh that's like getting a tatt of a boyfriend, periods have been known to turn bad.
Joi: It does like chocolate.
Nick Ellis: I'm worried Jayne says she's a writer but she's talking like a 5 year old. Do you think she likes sports?
Joi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.
Joi: She does talk like a 5 year old.
Nick Ellis: Good point re: tattoo. I ate chocolate just now. It was Japanese. Interesting, like the best Easter Egg chocolate, which isn't good. But this is the best of that, y'know?
Nick Ellis: Oh crap! Should I have more chocolate? It's in a packet like cigarettes.
Joi: Send me a photo. Don't have more.
Joi: Dude have you tried the rootbeer lolly I sent you?
Nick Ellis: Already did have more chocolate. Didn't have the rootbeer lolly yet, saving for later. Reading a story about women who sell their breast milk.
Joi: Canned laughter is aggravating.
Nick Ellis: Yeah like canned meat. Bad things happened to get it there.
Joi: I have canned chicken on salad all the time. But tomorrow I'm making a chicken soup.
Nick Ellis: I don't like soup but recently I had a chicken soup I liked.
Joi: I've only recently become a fan of soup. It all started with one good soup ...
Joi: So this morning, had a pee, guess what? Yup! decided to get it a hat.
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The conversation above took place on what's app over 3 days. What's app is an app to send free txt messages (the group chat function is fab!). To use what's app, you must have someone's mobile number and they must have what's app installed too, that's it.
I've never met or spoken to Nick Ellis but we what's app each other throughout the day. Mainly about extremely important matters. We also have a group chat open with Jo Foster that has a revolving subject line, depending on how the 3 of us are feeling on the day (some past subjects: We're stupid, small unfashionable nipples, soggy cricket peens, pants are for terrorists etc).
Our other mate Jayne Kearney has broken her itunes and can't install what's app, so she's created her own what's app by sending the same SMS to the 3 of us at the same time. Its lame and we laugh at her behind her back.
Find Nick Ellis' artwork, blog, photos here
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